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We all know that fights and arguments are normal in a relationship. But are they normal when they happen too often and when they lead to a lot of stress and worries? …I believe not!

From my experience dealing with fights successfully is all about seeing things from a different perspective than we usually do.

It’s not a war. When we normally start an argument we see each other as two opponents that have an issue to “debate”. Therefore we get angry, maybe yell at each other, blame each other and we forget that we actually have a relationship and that we love each other.

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We all know that fights and arguments are normal in a relationship. But are they normal when they happen too often and when they lead to a lot of stress and worries? …I believe not!

From my experience dealing with fights successfully is all about seeing things from a different perspective than we usually do.

It’s not a war. When we normally start an argument we see each other as two opponents that have an issue to “debate”. Therefore we get angry, maybe yell at each other, blame each other and we forget that we actually have a relationship and that we love each other.

Guy Deutscher is an honorary research fellow at the School of Languages, Linguistics and Cultures at the University of Manchester. His new book, from which this article is adapted, is “Through the Language Glass: Why the World Looks Different in Other Languages,” to be published this month by Metropolitan Books.

If any of my fellow travelers at O’Hare were still listening to the speech, none of them showed any reaction to it. And why would they? This has become the way we assume the American military will be discussed by politicians and in the press: Overblown, limitless praise, absent the caveats or public skepticism we would apply to other American institutions, especially ones that run on taxpayer money. A somber moment to reflect on sacrifice. Then everyone except the few people in uniform getting on with their workaday concerns.

At the end of World War II, nearly 10 percent of the entire U.S. population was on active military duty—which meant most able-bodied men of a certain age (plus the small number of women allowed to serve). Through the decade after World War II, when so many American families had at least one member in uniform, political and journalistic references were admiring but not awestruck. Most Americans were familiar enough with the military to respect it while being sharply aware of its shortcomings, as they were with the school system, their religion, and other important and fallible institutions.

The difference between the earlier America that knew its military and the modern America that gazes admiringly at its heroes shows up sharply in changes in popular and media culture. While World War II was under way, its best-known chroniclers were the Scripps Howard reporter Ernie Pyle, who described the daily braveries and travails of the troops (until he was killed near the war’s end by Japanese machine-gun fire on the island of Iejima), and the Stars and Stripes cartoonist Bill Mauldin, who mocked the obtuseness of generals and their distance from the foxhole realities faced by his wisecracking GI characters, Willie and Joe.

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